Rosie's Dog Beach - Long Beach (COMEDY REVIEW)
The beach itself is relatively clean and the owners and their dogs are
usually well-behaved, but the lifeguards seem entrenched in outdated
ideals about what dogs should be. They're polite and courteous for the
most part but I wear headphones without any music playing and there's been a
few times I've overheard them actually making some unnecessarily
prejudiced comments to unattended dogs. One lifeguard was using 'fido' like a
noun, as if it was derogatory or something.
"You work for that big fat belly, boy? How about that toy in your mouth? The swim trunks? None of those things? Oh man, fidos like you are gonna be the first ones to go when Trump gets elected."
"You herding sand, boy, where's your flock? You lost your flock? Aw man,
what kind of Shepherd loses its flock? Probably the same one that just
lost out on all this bacon, awww."
Dude had a strip of that weird bacon they put in McBuscuits, like going
out of his way to shame this dog. He must've pretended to throw it a hundred times but he never did and you could tell that bothered the dog a lot more than any failed sense of duty over some flock. Another lifeguard just had his phone blaring Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I have a dream" speech while he held his hand up to his ear and asked everyone if they heard the word 'dog' anywhere. Come on, man, he didn't say anything about dogs but you just know he loved them. The thing is, the lifeguards are otherwise
friendly and helpful and of course trained to save peoples' lives, so I don't think anyone would even care if they were just rolling their eyes at Yorkies in pink tutus or making the occasional ignorant comment to people who don't clean up after their dog. But it's gotten much worse lately, in fact I was there with a friend a few days ago and a lifeguard took it way too far. I
was half expecting John Quinones to pop out from the lifeguard shack or
something, the guy was spewing pure ignorance:
"I don't care that your dog thinks he's alpha. I don't care about that. I
care that YOU DON'T CARE. He's gonna lead no matter what, that's
nature. He'll walk you all day. You give him a bigger brain, he'll steal
your damn wife. But he doesn't, he's just a dog, which is my point.
Where's your pride? Humans have a developed neocortex AND we got teeth
for
tearing the meat from bones. Feel your teeth with your tongue real
quick. It's the best of both words, my friend. Brain on the top mean the
brawn don't ever stop. Right? So why are you sharing clothes with dogs,
homie? Dogs don't understand what it takes to craft a garment. Sewing
is not your technology to share, Sid Meier, and dogs don't need bikinis.
That's not controversial, is it, because I don't want to live on this
Earth if it is. Lord."
It didn't get much more heated than that but does it have to? I don't
want to call it misogyny, because I don't want to be incorrect since
it's prejudice towards dogs and not women, but it's difficult to believe
Long Beach would put misogynists in charge of saving peoples' lives.
The beach should be sacred - I get there's generally a shortage of other
emergency services but the beach is a place I want to go to and not
have to hear about how much more powerful cats are than dogs,
pound-for-pound. The one dude may never get over the fact that a dog on a
surfboard doesn't just instinctively start surfing. It doesn't know
how, it's a dog, why is that so funny? How can you give dogs so much credit and not enough credit at the same time?
And shouldn't you be driving a truck through the sand or something? Anyway,
got carried away, good beach.
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