Mommy's Little Girl

INT. DAUGHTER'S ROOM - BEDTIME

Dad sits on the edge of his daughter's bed holding open a storybook with gold-leaf trim. His daughter, 5, is nestled under covers and smiles in anticipation.

DADDY

(reading)

Once upon a time there was a happy family of gnomes who lived in the forest. Each day, the papa gnome would leave to go to work while the mama gnome stayed home to cook, clean and take care of the other female gnome duties. During th-

DAUGHTER

What are female gnome duties, daddy?

DADDY

Hmm, they probably jus-

DAUGHTER

Are they like the things you do?

DADDY

No, daddy does male gnome things. From home. Daddy telecommutes. I only clean because mommy has to drive all the way to work 12 miles away, sweetie.

DAUGHTER

But you cook too, dadd-

DADDY

Shhhhh, it's late and lots of men cook. It's a French military thing.

DADDY (CONT'D)

(reading)

During the day, when the sun shined and the birds chirped, everything in the forest was joyous and merry. Papa farmed the land and hunted animals-

DADDY (CONT'D)

Let's see your mom hunt an animal, huh? Not even.

DADDY (CONT'D)

(reading)

-while mama gnome raised the little gnome children and protected their home from predators.

DADDY (CONT'D)

Hear that, sweetie? Any robbers that try to get in this house get a knuckle sandwich.

Dad goes into monstermode, face contorted and eyes wide. He grabs his Daughter's hand and starts nibbling.

DAUGHTER

(giggling)

No way, daddy, you're too silly. He'll beat you up!

DADDY

Think so? You tellin' me I gotta go to the gym and pump some iron?

DAUGHTER

You don't have to, daddy, mommy will protect us.

DADDY

(smelling salts)

What? Her? You think mommy's stronger than daddy?

DAUGHTER

I don't know. Maybe, daddy.

DADDY

She's not. She'll tell you that herself. It's not even an argument.

DAUGHTER

But remember when that man was yelli-

DADDY

No, I don't, but mommy's five foot tall and struggles with anemia, sweetie, she couldn't even pump iron until she started getting her daily recommended serving of it for a few weeks.

DAUGHTER

What's anemia, daddy? Is mommy sick?

DADDY

No, no, she's fine, I'm just saying if a bear ever gets in here and mommy's in one room and daddy's in another, you should run into the room that daddy's in.

DAUGHTER

No, daddy, we can both go to mommy's room.

DADDY

Okay, you know what...Let's get back to the book.

DADDY (CONT'D)

(reading/improvising)

Everything in the daytime was so happy and free, but at night, when the sun had gone away and the moon barely lit enough of the sky to expose the horrible monsters that lurked in the shadows - that was when THEY came. You see, they only came at night.

DAUGHTER

It got scary!

DADDY

It did, it got super scary all of the sudden.

DADDY (CONT'D)

(reading/improvising)

Those that came in the night were not human or gnome, they were...mannequins.

DAUGHTER

I don't like mannequins, daddy!

DADDY

I know, you don't like them at all, do you? Don't worry, I'll keep you safe.

DAUGHTER

When's mommy coming home?

DADDY

(reading/improvising)

-but the mannequins didn't have plastic hands. Instead, at the ends of their arms were those auto-flush toilets you're terrified of.

DAUGHTER

The ones at the mall, daddy?

DADDY

Yeah, those really loud ones.

DAUGHTER

I don't like this book.

DADDY

I don't blame you, sweetie, I can't imagine why mommy would even buy it for you.

The daughter's eyes begin to water, she sniffles.

DADDY

It's okay, it's okay. I'm sorry. I'll stop reading. Mommy should be home soon, okay?

DAUGHTER

The toilet scares mommy too. Can you stay with me until I fall asleep?

DADDY

Of course I can. Is she really scared of those toilets?

DAUGHTER

Yes. But daddy, if a bear ever attacks the house I'm still gonna run into mommy's room first, okay?

DADDY

That's okay, sweetie, I'm at peace with it. And I don't think it would matter which room anyway, bears are basically unstoppable.

FADE OUT.