Fight or Flight (or Filibuster)
“Hey, dickhead-”
“What did you just call me, bro?”
“Hm? Oh, 4:14 pm.”
“Did you call me a dickhead?”
“What? Ohhh, no no. TICK-ET. Ticket. Do you have one?"
"Do I have a ticket? A ticket for what?"
"A concert?"
"Don’t try to squirm outta this now. You were you the one in the purple Yaris, huh? And you came in here to yell at me for stealing your parking spot?”
“No to all that, man. Ticket."
"Ticket? That's all you're gonna say? What about a ticket?"
"I don't have any right now but I might be getting some in the next few days."
"I don't need any tickets. Why are you telling me that shit?"
"You're aggro as hell right now. You mad I don't have those tickets?"
"I don't need tickets. You're the one that claimed he said 'ticket', not me."
"When?"
"You came in, said 'ticket' and we started arguing."
"So why are you mad?"
"Because you didn't really say ticket, you called me a dickhead but you're too scared to admit it."
"When? And don't tell me this is about that ticket shit again."
“Of course it’s-”
“Gah, I don’t even know what we’re talking about anymore. Can I buy you a drink?”
“I guess. I still want to know if you called me a dickhead, though."
"Told you, man, should get some in the next couple days. Don't hound me for tickets when I'm drinking."
"You're just full of jokes, huh? How about we go outside an-"
“You’re putting me on the spot, brother, but I think I have one, sure. What’s brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre. I should’ve timed that better. Speaking of time, look at it, it’s saying I should go.”
“Ahhh, so your mouth wrote a check your ass couldn’t cash then?”
“Oh, dude, dude, if you needed cash, I don’t mind helping you out. How much would you like me to give you?”
“We should take our drinks outside and sort this out. You walking or being dragged?”
“I use humor to distract myself from hardship and I'm sorry. Seriously. I'm sure you don't know what it's like to lose someone to cancer, huh? Or heart disease? Automobile accident? None of those? Does your family get to reroll Constitution or something, empathize, motherfucker."
"Alright, let me try real quick. You want me to drag you outside and beat the hell out of you? Message received, let's go."
“I’ll walk, I'll walk. All this over some tickets that I'll probably have in my hands in 3 days."
"You called me a dickhead and you know it. You're a liar."
“Wow, okay, a liar? Where I’m from those are fighting words.”
“Haha, yeah? Good.”
“Yeah?”
“That's right…c-can't be too cautious in this neighborhood, good to have backup. Plus you remind me of my little bro, gotta make sure you don't get too soft, ya know?"
“You wanted me to come out here so you could beat me up.”
“What? That's what muggers wait for. They want people fighting so they can rob them both, dude, use your brain. And I thought you were selling me some tickets, homeboy, which bandits LOVE. I have some pepper spray in my car, hold up."
"You're not getting pepper spray."
"You're on tonight, bro, I'm not getting anything from the glove compartment with those automatic locks. Let me start 'er on up here."
“Where are you going?”
“Huh? Yeah, suppose I should get going. I don't want to be late to that concert now that I got some tickets. Thanks again."
"Night. Have fun at the fake concert listening to a band that doesn't exist with the tickets that I never had, dickhead."
"Should've quit while you were ahead, fucker."
"I'm sorry and I'll leave now."
THE END
“What did you just call me, bro?”
“Hm? Oh, 4:14 pm.”
“Did you call me a dickhead?”
“What? Ohhh, no no. TICK-ET. Ticket. Do you have one?"
"Do I have a ticket? A ticket for what?"
"A concert?"
"Don’t try to squirm outta this now. You were you the one in the purple Yaris, huh? And you came in here to yell at me for stealing your parking spot?”
“No to all that, man. Ticket."
"Ticket? That's all you're gonna say? What about a ticket?"
"I don't have any right now but I might be getting some in the next few days."
"I don't need any tickets. Why are you telling me that shit?"
"You're aggro as hell right now. You mad I don't have those tickets?"
"I don't need tickets. You're the one that claimed he said 'ticket', not me."
"When?"
"You came in, said 'ticket' and we started arguing."
"So why are you mad?"
"Because you didn't really say ticket, you called me a dickhead but you're too scared to admit it."
"When? And don't tell me this is about that ticket shit again."
“Of course it’s-”
“Gah, I don’t even know what we’re talking about anymore. Can I buy you a drink?”
“I guess. I still want to know if you called me a dickhead, though."
"Told you, man, should get some in the next couple days. Don't hound me for tickets when I'm drinking."
"You're just full of jokes, huh? How about we go outside an-"
“You’re putting me on the spot, brother, but I think I have one, sure. What’s brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre. I should’ve timed that better. Speaking of time, look at it, it’s saying I should go.”
“Ahhh, so your mouth wrote a check your ass couldn’t cash then?”
“Oh, dude, dude, if you needed cash, I don’t mind helping you out. How much would you like me to give you?”
“We should take our drinks outside and sort this out. You walking or being dragged?”
“I use humor to distract myself from hardship and I'm sorry. Seriously. I'm sure you don't know what it's like to lose someone to cancer, huh? Or heart disease? Automobile accident? None of those? Does your family get to reroll Constitution or something, empathize, motherfucker."
"Alright, let me try real quick. You want me to drag you outside and beat the hell out of you? Message received, let's go."
“I’ll walk, I'll walk. All this over some tickets that I'll probably have in my hands in 3 days."
"You called me a dickhead and you know it. You're a liar."
“Wow, okay, a liar? Where I’m from those are fighting words.”
“Haha, yeah? Good.”
“Yeah?”
“That's right…c-can't be too cautious in this neighborhood, good to have backup. Plus you remind me of my little bro, gotta make sure you don't get too soft, ya know?"
“You wanted me to come out here so you could beat me up.”
“What? That's what muggers wait for. They want people fighting so they can rob them both, dude, use your brain. And I thought you were selling me some tickets, homeboy, which bandits LOVE. I have some pepper spray in my car, hold up."
"You're not getting pepper spray."
"You're on tonight, bro, I'm not getting anything from the glove compartment with those automatic locks. Let me start 'er on up here."
“Where are you going?”
“Huh? Yeah, suppose I should get going. I don't want to be late to that concert now that I got some tickets. Thanks again."
"Night. Have fun at the fake concert listening to a band that doesn't exist with the tickets that I never had, dickhead."
"Should've quit while you were ahead, fucker."
"I'm sorry and I'll leave now."
THE END
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